I'd love to write more, but I don't often have a topic or idea to write about. I'd like to see, if I just force myself to write a little every day if the creative and topical side will get easier. So, let me know in comments if there is something you'd like me to write about. I'm goin to write at least one blog post a day for a week an then reevaluate at the end and maybe continue for another week or possibly a whole month. We shall see. I know some old San berdu and riverside friends still check up on me here so I'll at least write a few lines explaining what's been going on lately.

Tears fears and smiles

If I told you what's on my mind a hundred showers would never get you clean. If showed you my single tear, we'd wash it all away. Wash it all away. But I've given up on tears. That's a suit i've forgotten how to wear. I'd give you a thousand smiles. Like a warm blanket wrapped around my fears. Into this morning we'd walk arms outstretched to take the whole wold in. I know any minute now the rain would come and see my cheers, and wash them all away, wash it all away. But gardens can't grow without rain and tears. A life can not be lived without hope and fears. New life springs best from baren soil. A field wiped clean with tools and toil. I close my eyes to see your smile. It's a face I haven't seen in a while. If I showed you what's in my heart you'd hear laughter too. A grin would stretch across the sky and we'd laugh it all away laugh it all away.

Christmas time has come and gone.

So, this Year I didn't get a picture of us by the Christmas tree, but we did go back to the tree farm and cut down a tree this year. Here's Autumn and Sarah under a tree at the farm.
We had a very nice Christmas and were able to enjoy time just together as well as time with extended family. I'm not sure when, but I've finally reached the point where I find myself wanting time to slow down for my girls. As they were growing their first few years, I remember always thinking "I can't wait until they are old enough to..." Now they are growing and changing so fast. They really make it easy for me to be a proud parent. I don't like to imagine what my life would have been like this past year and a half without them. I have had an underground stream of self-destructive behavior flow through me as I dealt with my grief. Having to be a strong example for my children has been a big factor in making sure that stream stays underground and doesn't burst into a river. It is so great to be able to see Traci in their eyes and in their ways. Autumn looks more like Traci, but Sarah's personality is shining through more like hers. I don't know how exactly to describe it. I've kinda' gone off on a tangent here, so I think I'll write more about our holiday another time. Little note: Autumn's birthday party will be similar to last years but down here. So save the date. I'll be sending out an evite and a facebook event soon.

Someone on facebook wrote a status update stating what one word defined 2009 and what one word thy hoped define 2010. If you don't know, I think new years resolutions are dumb but I liked the idea of boiling a whole year into on word. So, I'd like to think that healing is the word that defined 2009. And hope that growth is the word that defines 2010. Life is finally pretty stable and predictable. (I'm almost afraid to admit that for fear of upsetting the balance) I've grown into my new shell in the past year and a half and now I feel like it's time to stretch a little. I'm ready to start hunting for new career opirtunities and I've started dating and am enjoying the experience. (As a side note... I'm writing this at the park and have to mention that Autumn is a boy beater. When we are out playing, I often have to tell her to stop wrestling the boys to the ground.)

Early January

Why is it that the things we need to see are always so obvious long after the moments or choices are gone. I've got to Start writing some of this down or my brain might pop but I don't feel like tapping it out on my phone tonight. On a lighter note, I should put up some pictures and a note about our holiday soon. I'm thankful to have such great in-laws. And such a great family of my own. Our Christmas this year was a blast and I wish I didn't have to return to work this week.

Balboa

If I ever move away from San Diego, high up on the list of things I'll miss is Balboa park. The zoo, the museums, the beautiful park-like setting of everything. Why am I thinking about that? Last night was my company Christmas party. And it was held at the air and space museum. I hadn't been there before. By extention of my father, I'm a big nerd when it comes to aviation history so I loved seeing all the old planes and artifacts of history. Since I'm writing this in church, I'll make it short, I just wanted to make good on my promise of new blog posts.

Thinking about blogging again

A lot of things have been on my mind lately and I've had the urge a few times to put them down somewhere. So check back here in the coming days or weeks. I may be back on the blogging horse.