I finally got my refrigerator delivered tonight. Very exciting. I missed posting yesterday and I won't make anything long tonight. my partner at work has Jury duty and that makes things extra busy for me there.
For any of you that didn't know me before I met Traci, I am a very flirtatious person by nature. I also just generally preferred to be in the company of females rather than with my guy friends. Once I met Traci, she filled every need I had from the company of any guy or girl and I generally lost interest in flirting. Traci and I had a very trusting relationship. She would tell me about how a guy tried to pick up on her at school and I would tell her the details if I thought a girl was interested in me. We sometimes would both flirt back, just to see if we still had "it". Because of my background and the kind of relationship Traci and I had, I have found it relatively easy to jump back into social situations with women. I have gone to a few young widow meetups here in SoCal and have gone with my 23 year old brother Willy a few times out dancing or to a rock show. I never felt uncomfortable or over my head, that is until this past Friday night. I told Willy I had a babysitter for the night. "What's the action?" I said. A birthday party, a private room at a club in Costa mesa was the reply. Dancing, a costume party, a generally high concentration of LDS folk, seemed like a good time. And it was, Then she walked in. Taller than the rest, more self confident. "Oh, good." I thought, "She has a guy with her, No need to care." The night progressed, there was a lull in the quality of the music and most people took the time to rest their feet and cool off a bit. I then noticed it was just her and I dancing and one other guy a little ways away. We made eye contact and she approached. "You're a really good dancer," she commented. My witty reply and followup? "Thanks.... My name is Mitch" as I stuck out my hand. "Elle" she said as she smiled and shook my hand. We began to dance together and I felt a surge of excitement for the briefest moment, like diving under a wave at the beach as the wave crests just about to topple you. Unfortunately, just as at the beach, I didn't see the second and much larger wave coming up fast behind it. Guilt, shame, hand caught in the cookie jar. In an instant I went from casual enjoyment to panic. This is not okay. I am married. I cut myself off from any other emotions and danced, internally a robot, until I could make a polite retreat. It is not without the lens of time that I could write this. I didn't understand what I felt at the time. I thought I was just plain scared of a girl, so I continued the night and laughed at myself. We all danced until the DJ went home and then said our goodbyes. It might seem like this was a negative experience, but for me it was quite the opposite. I actually have carried a lot of guilt that I have already felt so sociable with women, like I don't miss Traci as much as I should and am trying to move on too fast. It is good to know that yes, I do still feel like I am with Traci I just don't realize it with out being in s "moment" (if I can just be vague). I will still go out with my brother, I may even try to get a phone number or two just to see if I still have "it" but if they are single and attractive, they should be aware, I could freak out at any moment and run away.
With NANOWRIMO starting Saturday, I thought I should try to give the creative juices a little kick start this week. Meaning, that I will be writing at least one blog post a day this week and hopefully more.
We moved into our own place this weekend. If you call searching for 10 minutes among boxes to find a pan to toast quesadillas on moved in. Boxes are everywhere and the key to the garage door doesn't work so I have to go out to the driveway and open the big door any time I need something from in there. But the girls are sleeping peacefully and I am enjoying having our own space again. I just need to find a way to be watching the girls and unpacking at the same time. Autumn hit Sarah with a stick yesterday while I was trying to pack up the last of the stuff from Matt and Andrea's house. Good fun times.
Windmills
This is a reminder to some and problbly an announcement to most. November is National Novel Writing Month. Participants begin a new story on the 1st of the month and the goal is to write 50,000 words in the thirty days of the month.(thats a little more than 1600 words a day.) This has been going on for ten years, but i found out about it last year.I found out about it a few days after it started and with school, I wasn't able to get a story together and start writing. I have been thinking about it off and on since then and I am excited to attempt to make it this year. If any of you plan on attempting this also, let me know. It would be good motivation knowing someone else was working on it too. So, if you've been having some ideas for stories dancing arround in your head or just feeling creative, why not give it a shot? Btw, yes I am writing this during general conference. But, I am still listening. Elder Uchdorf gave a nice talk on hope in Christ just now.
