If we are the body

Recently a speaker i was listening to posed a question that I have had stuck in my mind ever since. "What would this world be like if every morning, each of us prayed and sincerely asked our father in heaven 'what can I do today that would be of most worth to you?'
The second thing on my mind, I heard today. "Pray to be filled with the love of Christ." If each of us did this, imagine the work and the progress we could do and make as a civilization. Ghandi famously said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world" So, I apologize to the lady I pulled out in front of this morning. I didn't have to slow to exactly the speed limit when you flashed your brights at me. No, I don't actually feel sorry, but it's a start right?


I've got two drafts barely started on here where I had been reflecting on change. In both, I didn't write enough to be able to pick the idea up again and finish the thought. So, instead I'll write a little something about change from where I am today. The past two years have been an almost continual whirlwind of change. At the most primal, basic level, in me there has been a constant upheaval. Like an underwater volcano. Powerful and definitely observable, but much to deep and unreachable for most to see. Old gashes have been filling in, constant eruptions have create new creases and a few canyons. But the landscape is certainly different than it was two years ago. And almost unrecognizable from the way it looked in 2001. On top of that, thankfully the protective waters of my children, family and friends have remained mainly calm. With only a few tempestuous storms that, as far as I can tell, don't follow any sort of pattern or measured frequency. Above that, the winds and clouds of my career have remained calm except for my own choices to stir things up. I enjoy my new job, but it is certainly a trade of peace and stability for one of challenge and greater reward. I wrote that last part an hour or so after the rest and I feel like I've lost that train of thought a little so I guess that's all for now on change.

Family update

The past few months down here have been an adventure. I was recruited for a new job back in november. The company is called synthetic genomics and they are in torrey pines. I finally took the job in february. It was a huge gamble because they only hire people on a temp to perm basis. I was told I would be hired on as a full employee after 6 months as a contractor. This meant no benefits, no paid time off and nothing more than a verbal gurantee of a job after six months. The gamble paid off and I am now full time with them. The work is fast paced and exciting. We are using biology to turn coal into natural gas. The only down side is that it added another 30 min of driving to my day and that's 30 more minutes the girls have to be in daycare. I'm going to register Sarah for kindergarten this week and Autumn is doing great in school this year. I've found a woman who will put up with all my quirks and actually seems to enjoy most of them. She and I have been as inseperable as two very busy people who live 100 miles away from each other can be since January. I've got my health and so does my family, I've got a roof over my head and food on the table, and great people surrounding me. Pretty strange.

I'd love to write more, but I don't often have a topic or idea to write about. I'd like to see, if I just force myself to write a little every day if the creative and topical side will get easier. So, let me know in comments if there is something you'd like me to write about. I'm goin to write at least one blog post a day for a week an then reevaluate at the end and maybe continue for another week or possibly a whole month. We shall see. I know some old San berdu and riverside friends still check up on me here so I'll at least write a few lines explaining what's been going on lately.

Tears fears and smiles

If I told you what's on my mind a hundred showers would never get you clean. If showed you my single tear, we'd wash it all away. Wash it all away. But I've given up on tears. That's a suit i've forgotten how to wear. I'd give you a thousand smiles. Like a warm blanket wrapped around my fears. Into this morning we'd walk arms outstretched to take the whole wold in. I know any minute now the rain would come and see my cheers, and wash them all away, wash it all away. But gardens can't grow without rain and tears. A life can not be lived without hope and fears. New life springs best from baren soil. A field wiped clean with tools and toil. I close my eyes to see your smile. It's a face I haven't seen in a while. If I showed you what's in my heart you'd hear laughter too. A grin would stretch across the sky and we'd laugh it all away laugh it all away.

Christmas time has come and gone.

So, this Year I didn't get a picture of us by the Christmas tree, but we did go back to the tree farm and cut down a tree this year. Here's Autumn and Sarah under a tree at the farm.
We had a very nice Christmas and were able to enjoy time just together as well as time with extended family. I'm not sure when, but I've finally reached the point where I find myself wanting time to slow down for my girls. As they were growing their first few years, I remember always thinking "I can't wait until they are old enough to..." Now they are growing and changing so fast. They really make it easy for me to be a proud parent. I don't like to imagine what my life would have been like this past year and a half without them. I have had an underground stream of self-destructive behavior flow through me as I dealt with my grief. Having to be a strong example for my children has been a big factor in making sure that stream stays underground and doesn't burst into a river. It is so great to be able to see Traci in their eyes and in their ways. Autumn looks more like Traci, but Sarah's personality is shining through more like hers. I don't know how exactly to describe it. I've kinda' gone off on a tangent here, so I think I'll write more about our holiday another time. Little note: Autumn's birthday party will be similar to last years but down here. So save the date. I'll be sending out an evite and a facebook event soon.

Someone on facebook wrote a status update stating what one word defined 2009 and what one word thy hoped define 2010. If you don't know, I think new years resolutions are dumb but I liked the idea of boiling a whole year into on word. So, I'd like to think that healing is the word that defined 2009. And hope that growth is the word that defines 2010. Life is finally pretty stable and predictable. (I'm almost afraid to admit that for fear of upsetting the balance) I've grown into my new shell in the past year and a half and now I feel like it's time to stretch a little. I'm ready to start hunting for new career opirtunities and I've started dating and am enjoying the experience. (As a side note... I'm writing this at the park and have to mention that Autumn is a boy beater. When we are out playing, I often have to tell her to stop wrestling the boys to the ground.)

Early January

Why is it that the things we need to see are always so obvious long after the moments or choices are gone. I've got to Start writing some of this down or my brain might pop but I don't feel like tapping it out on my phone tonight. On a lighter note, I should put up some pictures and a note about our holiday soon. I'm thankful to have such great in-laws. And such a great family of my own. Our Christmas this year was a blast and I wish I didn't have to return to work this week.